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[The Blog of Phileas Fogg: 1883 onwards] October 3rd 1884

From: Harry Hayfield <harryhayfield~at~googlemail.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:40:50 -0700 (PDT)
To: jvf~at~gilead.org.il

"Fair moon, to thee I sing, Bright regent of the heavens, Say, why is
everything, Either at sixes or at sevens?"

You know, when Gilbert and Sullivan first wrote that in 1878, I
wondered at the time what it meant, but I know exactly what it means
now. Here I am, sitting on a bench with the moon high in the sky on the
night of October 3rd 1884 (well, to be honest actually October 4th as
it's well past midnight) with a little under 20 hours until launch not
having been able to sleep a wink, tossing and turning dreaming about
the Columbiad exploding, being shot so far that it misses the moon
completely and go winging off into deep space or even worse heading in
completely the wrong direction and ends up being melted by the sun. Is
it any wonder then that I am "at sixes and sevens" with myself.

Still at least I have this box of tricks to keep me company and it's
been regaling me with the most interesting facts about the moon. For
instance:

* The Moon's name comes from the Latin word mensis (which means "month")
* Monday was orginally called Moon's Day
* The moon was formed by a process as yet unknown and the Pacific Ocean
is the gap left over

Oh, I can hear someone coming. I'd better put this away.

Ah, good morning Mr. Barbicane. You can't sleep either eh? I know the
feeling. Me? Oh, just watching the moon up there in the heavens. I say,
did you know that Monday was orginally called Moon's Day? Well, that's
just me I say, a mine of useless information. Oh, you have an admission
to make? This isn't a purely scientific expedition? Why do you say
that? The Great Moon Hoax? I heard of it, 1830 something wasn't it but
never fully understood it I'm afraid. I'm sorry, are you all right? You
heard something go ping? Mr. Barbicane things do not go ping in the
night, let alone go bump, you are probably imagining things. Now, about
this Moon Hoax? Sir John Herschel? Not a name I instantly recognise.
Sorry? Something went ping again? Mr. Barbicane, I assure you that...
Mr. Barbicane would you please stop that. Mr. Barbicane I...

That, Mr. Barbicane, is what I call a box of tricks. It was given to me
by Doctor John Smith of the University of London back in 1872 and again
last year. It most certainly is not a means of spying on people. It is
a device that I use to keep a diary of everything I get up to and
started it last New Year's Day. Mr. Barbicane, why do you have a glint
in your eye? Yes, it is a mine of information and is very clever at
taking readings as well. Mr. Barbicane, all I have agreed to is a trip
that will circle the moon and nothing else, if you so much as even
mention the idea of a moon landing again, I will leave Stones' Hill at
sunrise and never come back again and then what will happen to your
international funding. You seem to forget that I am here as a member of
Her Majesty's Government and most importantly have been asked to give
my report to the Cabinet and the Torchwood Institute upon my arrival
back in London. No, I feel I should apolgise, it is very early in the
morning, I have not had much in the way of sleep and I can be rather
irritable. That's a very sensible idea Mr. Barbicane, you go back to
bed and we can discuss this again like gentlemen after breakfast. Yes,
I will see you later on then. Er, my box of tricks please?

Phew, that was a close run thing. I thought I had almost lost this box
then. Oh, I'm sorry you had to read all that Doctor Smith, but as you
can tell I'm still not a complete expert at this, but seeing as Mr.
Barbicane mentioned it, let's see what this Great Moon Hoax was all
about.

It all started off in August 1835 when the New York Sun newspaper
reported "We have just learnt from an eminent publisher in this city
that Sir John Herschel at the Cape of Good Hope, has made some
astronomical discoveries of the most wonderful description, by means of
an immense telescope of an entirely new principle" and a few days
later, reports came from Sir John talking about the things he had
discovered and my word, what he discovered certainly generated quite
some interest:

"We counted three parties of these creatures, of twelve, nine and
fifteen in each, walking erect towards a small wood... Certainly they
were like human beings, for their wings had now disappeared and their
attitude in walking was both erect and dignified... About half of the
first party had passed beyond our canvas; but of all the others we had
perfectly distinct and deliberate view. They averaged four feet in
height, were covered, except on the face, with short and glossy
copper-colored hair, and had wings composed of a thin membrane, without
hair, lying snugly upon their backs from the top of the shoulders to
the calves of their legs"

In other words, flying human sized creatures, but that wasn't the end
of it. Oh, no. A few days later, it was reported that a "Temple of the
Moon" had been discovered that was constructed of sapphire, with a roof
of yellow resembling gold. There were pillars seventy feet high and six
feet thick supporting the roof of the temple and naturally enough more
man-bats were discovered. Well as you can imagine, this generated a lot
of debate and people were hanging on what would be reported next
however the telescope had, unfortunately, been left facing the east and
the Sun's rays, concentrated through the lenses, burned a hole "15 feet
in circumference" entirely through the reflecting chamber, putting the
observatory out of commission.

Finally on September 16th 1835, the newspaper admitted it had all been
a hoax. I mean to be honest, I think it shows just how gullible
Americans can be. I mean, life on the Moon? Don't be so silly! (yawns)
Oh, do excuse me, looks like sleep is catching up with me.

--
Posted By Harry Hayfield to The Blog of Phileas Fogg: 1883 onwards on
7/15/2009 09:36:00 PM

Received on Wed 15 Jul 2009 - 23:41:00 IDT

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