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[The Blog of Phileas Fogg: 1883 onwards] October 12th 1884

From: Harry Hayfield <harryhayfield~at~googlemail.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:15:56 -0700 (PDT)
To: jvf~at~gilead.org.il

My word, how long is this cable? I feel as if I've been following it
for days (well, several hours at least). So where are you leading me
eh? Round the corner and at last I've found the end of it, but now
there's another cable leading from what looks like a rather large plug
and over to... Oh my goodness, what the Dickens is that?



Okay, box of tricks you tell me because I haven't got a clue. A high
gain energy distribution device??? In plain English, please? Thankyou.
A device that takes high amounts of energy and is able to fire them
into space. Why on earth, sorry, the moon would the Selenites want to
do that? And speak of the devil!

STEALTH MODE ENGAGED. AUTOMATIC TRANSLATION ENGAGED

Ten HUT, soldier
Sir, yes, sir!
At ease, soldier! So anything to report?
Sir, no, sir!
Excellent.
Permission to query, sir?
Permission granted!
What precisely is this device, sir?
Ah, an inquistive solider. Just the way I like them. This device is
going to ensure that we Selenites will be able to reclaim what is
rightfully ours.
Ours, sir?
Yes, this may come as a suprise to you but 13,000 solar cycles ago we
used to live on Earth.
No, sir?
Yes, of course we were much smaller then. A comet smashed into Earth
and threw several hundred tons of material into orbit. That material
settled and formed the Moon as we know it today. On that material a
male and female ant in the act of mating were trapped and due to the
cosmic rays that beam down from the sun the offspring born was the
first Selenite, since then we've been evolving ever since to the form
we are now, and this little device is going to help us claim our home
planet back.
How, sir?
This device is programmed to fire a beam of energy at the two polar
icecaps on Earth. That energy will cause them to melt in the space of
seven solar cycles flooding the entire planet. Fourteen solar cycles
later, I simply flip this switch and fire again. That will then freeze
all the water into two giant icecaps leaving the landmasses free of all
of all those humans and allowing us to colonise the planet again.
I am impressed, sir, so when does this all start?
At the start of the next solar cycle, when the Chief Selenite executes
those humans on the grounds of being spies. And let me tell you I can't
wait to see that gravity gun I invented put to use. Increasing a body's
internal gravity by six times so it crushes that body to death. Genius!
Who said that Selenites didn't have smarts eh? Anyway, come with me, I
want to introduce you to your new general.

STEALTH MODE DISENGAGED. AUTOMATIC TRANSLATION DISENGAGED

I am shocked. Those Selenites mean not only to destroy Earth but kill
my father as well. Right, sirs! I may only be ten years old, but if
it's down to me to save my home planet then that's precisely what I am
going to have to do!

Cry God for William, England, and Her Majesty!'

STEALTH MODE ENGAGED.

--
Posted By Harry Hayfield to The Blog of Phileas Fogg: 1883 onwards on
7/24/2009 10:50:00 PM

Received on Sat 25 Jul 2009 - 01:16:04 IDT

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