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[Le Blog Personnel de Professeur Aronnax] Christmas Day 1867

From: Harry Hayfield <harryhayfield~at~googlemail.com>
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:15:35 -0800 (PST)
To: jvf~at~gilead.org.il

If there is one thing we French know how to do it is celebrate and
today being Christmas Day I expected the crew and the Captain to be
joyous and wishing us all a Merry Christmas, however not once did I
hear the expression which struck me as a little strange. Therefore not
wishing to spoil the day for my friends I went to the galley and
consulted with the chef (and rather wished I hadn't). I asked him if he
has any turkey on board. He looked at me as though I had sworn in
public and replied that there was no turkey on board. "Veal?" I asked,
and again he shook his head.

"In that case" I asked politely, "what did we have last night that
tasted of veal?". The chef looked at me and replied "Fillet of Sea
Snake!". "SEA SNAKE?" I exclaimed. "No" replied the chef calmly, "just
fillet". As I asked my next question, I half dreaded the answer. "In
that case, the lamb we had when we arrived...?" "Ah, one of my
specialities. Brisket of Glow Fish. Did you like the dressing? That was
Sea Squirt basted in barnacles!"

I decided to leave the main course and instead decided on pudding and
having a little look around found some cream and asking for a whisk
gave it a good thrashing and placed it into a piping bag. A another
look around found some blancmange, so I took out three scoops from each
bottle and placed them into three bowls and was piping the cream when
the chef came back in and whistled clearly impressed with my handiwork.

"Why, thank you" I replied, "We French always make the best of our
culinary circumstances" and finished off the piping. "Tres bon, non?" I
smiled and placed them on a silver tray. "Indeed" replied the
chef, "especially as you are serving your friends saute of unborn
octopus with whipped milk from the giant sperm whale!

I froze in my tracks and tried hard not to vomit on the galley. I
placed the tray down and shouted "WHAT?". "Well" the chef
explained, "the Captain operates a very strict policy on food. If it's
not out there..." and pointed to a nearby porthole, "then I'm not
allowed to serve it?" "Not even for Christmas Day?" I asked. "What's
Christmas Day?" asked the chef. Admitting defeat I went back to our
quarters where you find me now. I only hope that New Year's Day is a
bit more normal to be honest with you.

--
Posted By Harry Hayfield to Le Blog Personnel de Professeur Aronnax on
1/25/2010 09:58:00 PM

Received on Tue 26 Jan 2010 - 00:15:45 IST

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